Hawkeye leaned over, inspecting the Colonel from a safe altitude.
“The floor simply rose up to admire your belt buckle, Colonel,” Hawkeye said smoothly, taking a sip from his martini glass. “A sudden shift in the tectonic plates. Happens all the time in Korea.”
Potter waved a dismissive hand from the dirt, entirely unbothered by his new horizontal perspective. “Good. Because if I had fallen, that would imply a loss of dignity. And a commanding officer never loses his dignity. He just… temporarily misplaces his center of gravity.”
Just then, the tent flap flew open and B.J. Hunnicutt strolled in. He paused, taking in the sight of his bunkmate standing casually over the prostrate commanding officer of the 4077th.
“Ah,” B.J. said, not missing a beat. “I see we’re conducting a structural analysis of the floorboards tonight. Are they up to military code, sir?”
“They’re a little fuzzy, Hunnicutt,” Potter slurred, attempting to prop himself up on one elbow and failing majestically. “But they smell like gin, so I’m approving them.”
Hawkeye sighed, setting his glass down on the still. “Come on, Beej. Help me hoist the colors. If Margaret walks in here and sees him like this, she’ll try to court-martial the dirt for striking a superior officer.”
B.J. grabbed Potter’s left arm while Hawkeye took the right. With a coordinated grunt, the two surgeons hauled the older man back to his feet, swaying slightly before depositing him roughly onto Hawkeye’s cot.
Potter blinked rapidly, trying to bring the two doctors into focus. He pointed a wavering finger at Hawkeye’s nose. “You know, Pierce… you’re a good man. You’re a degenerate, a scofflaw, and a menace to the United States Army… but you’re a good man.”
“I’ll be sure to put that on my resume, Colonel,” Hawkeye grinned. “Right under ‘Excellent at defying gravity.'”
Potter closed his eyes, a peaceful, heavily intoxicated smile spreading across his face. “Just… keep the floor down there where it belongs, boys. That’s an order.”
“Yes, sir,” B.J. whispered, pulling a scratchy army blanket over him. “We’ll stand guard all night.”
