MASH

ALAN ALDA RECALLS THE PRANK THAT STOPPED MASH SURGERY

Listen, you have to remember that those surgery scenes were a completely different animal than the rest of the show.

They had to be.

We were making a comedy, sure, but we were also making a statement about war.

And the operating room was where that statement was clearest.

It was hot in that tent. incredibly hot, with those massive studio lights right above us.

We were wearing these thick, bloody smocks for twelve or fourteen hours a day.

It wasn’t easy. You know, you can’t just joke around when you’re surrounded by actors playing wounded young men.

We had doctors on the set to make sure we were holding the instruments right.

We took the medicine very seriously.

So, the mood was naturally intense.

But, you know, when you’re under that kind of pressure for that many hours, you need a release valve.

You get giddy. You start to lose your mind a little bit.

I had been directing that week, which meant I was double-stressed. I was Hawkeye, but I was also responsible for the whole production.

Everyone was exhausted.

Gary, who played Radar, was standing right across from me.

You never really knew what Gary was thinking, but I noticed a twinkle in his eye. A genuine twinkle.

I should have known right then that something was up.

We were filming a key emotional scene, very tense dialogue between Hawkeye and Trapper, and the operating room was packed with extras.

It was dead silent as the director, I think it was Gene Reynolds, called “Action.”

Everyone was incredibly focused. We were ready.

Gary moved to present me with the next instrument.

The camera was tight on my face, waiting for my line.

Instead of the surgical instrument he was supposed to hand me, Gary slowly, with total gravity, presented a large, floppy, slightly dusty rubber chicken.

He didn’t make a sound.

He just stood there, looking me dead in the eye, holding this ridiculous prop with the same respect he would give a scalpel.

I froze.

My brain completely short-circuited.

My mouth was open, ready to ask for a clamp, and I was looking at a chicken.

The absurdity of the moment, compared to the grim reality of the scene we were filming, was too much.

Wayne Rogers was right next to me, and he saw it too.

He started making this high-pitched, strangled squeak sound, trying to keep from exploding.

That squeak set me off.

I lost it. I completely and utterly broke.

It was a total, unrecoverable meltdown.

Our director in the truck, who only saw the close-up of my face suddenly crumbling and heard the noise, was shouting, “What happened? What’s going on? We are rolling!”

Then he saw the camera pull back.

He saw Gary still holding the rubber chicken like it was standard medical protocol.

The AD tried to maintain some semblance of authority, shouting, “Okay, quiet, let’s reset!”

But he was laughing too hard to finish the sentence.

The camera operator had to step away from his camera because he was laughing so hard the whole shot went wavy.

We were all gone. All of us.

We lost probably twenty minutes just trying to stop laughing.

Every time we’d clean our faces and try to get back to the scene, somebody would look at Gary, or someone would look at me, or somebody would just make a slight chicken noise.

I remember Gary, during the chaos, never once let go of his seriousness.

He was totally dedicated to the bit. He just kept presenting the chicken to me, as if it was my problem that I wasn’t accepting the proper equipment.

That, of course, made it ten times worse.

You know, that moment, as ridiculous as it was, became legendary among the crew.

Because we needed it. We genuinely needed it.

When you spend hours and hours every single day focusing on the tragedy and the gore of war, even if it’s fake, it wears you down.

It starts to live in your bones.

That chicken brought us back. It reminded us that we were just actors in a tent, trying to do something meaningful, yes, but we were still just people who could find the absolute insanity in the world.

I don’t think that scene ever looked better than the way we ultimately filmed it. We felt closer. We felt more like a team.

It proved that the best way to deal with the overwhelming stress of reality, whether in Korea or on a Hollywood set, is often a very well-timed, very absurd joke.

And Gary always knew exactly when to provide that.

We needed the humor just as much as we needed the medicine.

Have you ever found the perfect moment of laughter to break a seemingly impossible tension in your own life?

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