MASH

THE RED STILETTOS THAT BROKE THE ENTIRE MAS*H CAST

 

Jamie Farr sat comfortably in the corner of a bright, modern studio green room.

He was waiting to record a late-career interview for a television retrospective, sipping quietly from a cup of hot tea.

Across from him sat a younger, up-and-coming sitcom actor who was co-hosting the television special.

The young man leaned forward, his face full of genuine curiosity about the grueling production schedule of the 1970s.

He asked Jamie a question about physical comedy, specifically how the cast managed to sprint around the rocky California mountains in heavy, uncomfortable military combat boots.

Jamie chuckled, a wide, nostalgic smile spreading across his face.

He set his tea down on the glass table and gently corrected the young man.

The heavy military combat boots were never the problem, he explained.

The real, life-threatening danger on that set came from the high heels.

Jamie transported his memory back to the dusty, uneven terrain of Malibu Creek State Park.

It was the middle of a frantic production week, and they were filming an incoming wounded scene.

The script called for Corporal Klinger to urgently sprint across the compound to deliver a message to the doctors.

For this particular episode, the wardrobe department had dressed Jamie in a stunning, incredibly restrictive 1940s floral pencil skirt and a pair of shiny red stilettos.

The ground across the set was notoriously treacherous.

It was a mix of loose gravel, hidden gopher holes, and deep, unpredictable patches of mud left over from the water trucks that kept the dust down.

The director set the shot, placing the heavy Panavision camera on a tracking dolly.

Alan Alda and Wayne Rogers were standing near the swamp, perfectly in character, waiting for Jamie to burst into the frame.

The assistant director called for quiet on the set.

The director shouted action, and Jamie prepared to make his grand, dramatic sprint across the uneven dirt.

He took a deep breath, channeled his absolute best physical comedy energy, and pushed off his back foot to launch into a full sprint.

And that’s when it happened.

The incredibly sharp, narrow heel of the right red stiletto sank directly into a hidden pocket of soft mud.

It didn’t just sink a little bit.

It sank all the way down to the sole, anchoring the shoe into the earth like a heavy wooden tent peg.

Jamie’s lower body came to an immediate, violently sudden halt.

However, the upper half of his body was still fully committed to the dramatic, urgent sprint required by the script.

Physics took over immediately.

Jamie flew forward, completely horizontally, his hairy legs flying out from under the tight floral skirt.

He landed face-first into the California dirt with a massive, unceremonious thud.

But the funniest part wasn’t the fall itself.

It was the fact that as Jamie flew forward, his large feet popped cleanly out of the high heels.

The two red stilettos remained perfectly upright, securely planted in the mud, as if an invisible woman were still standing right there in the middle of the camp.

For two full seconds, the soundstage was dead silent.

Everyone was simply trying to process the incredibly bizarre visual of Corporal Klinger sprawled in the dirt while his shoes stood at attention behind him.

Then, Alan Alda let out a sudden, explosive bark of laughter.

Once Alan broke, the rest of the cast completely lost their minds.

Wayne Rogers doubled over, resting his hands on his knees, his shoulders shaking uncontrollably.

Jamie, ever the professional, tried his absolute hardest to save the ruined take.

He pushed himself up off the ground, his face coated in a thick layer of brown dust.

He ignored the missing shoes, hobbled forward on his bare feet, and attempted to deliver his urgent medical report to the doctors.

He stood there, spitting out dirt with every word, looking completely ridiculous.

The director finally yelled cut, his own voice cracking with hysterical laughter through the heavy megaphone.

The camera operator had to step away from the eyepiece because his sides were physically aching.

A pair of wardrobe assistants rushed onto the set to assess the damage.

They had to grip the red stilettos with both hands and pull them straight up to free them from the earth.

The shoes released from the mud with a loud, incredibly comical suction noise that made the cast break down all over again.

They dusted Jamie off, wiped the mud from his face, and handed him back the treacherous shoes.

The director called for everyone to reset and focus for take two.

The clapperboard snapped. Action was called.

This time, Jamie decided to alter his running technique to avoid the mud.

He attempted to sprint exclusively on his tiptoes, taking rapid, tiny, delicate steps like a cartoon character sneaking across a room.

He looked so absolutely absurd that Alan Alda didn’t even make it through Jamie’s first three steps.

Alan threw his hands in the air, turned his back to the camera, and walked away, laughing so hard no sound was coming out.

Take three was an absolute disaster before Jamie even moved.

The mere sight of Jamie standing there, nervously staring down at his shoes with a look of pure terror, sent the crew into hysterics.

The camera was physically shaking on its mount because the operator couldn’t stop giggling at the monitor.

Multiple retakes failed in spectacular fashion because the entire set was infected with uncontrollable laughter.

They simply could not get through the scene.

Eventually, the production crew had to intervene to save the day’s filming schedule.

The grips brought out long, flat sheets of wooden plywood and laid them across the dirt path.

They essentially built a hidden wooden runway for Klinger to sprint across safely.

The camera department had to completely readjust their framing.

They framed the shot tightly above Jamie’s ankles so the television audience wouldn’t see the plywood sidewalk sitting in the middle of a Korean War compound.

Jamie told the younger actor that he would never forget the sheer absurdity of that moment.

He was a hairy guy from Toledo, Ohio, wearing a floral pencil skirt, running on a secret wooden plank in the California mountains, while a dozen grown men cried tears of laughter.

That ridiculous mistake became a legendary inside joke among the crew.

For the rest of the show’s eleven-year run, anytime the script required Klinger to wear high heels outside, someone on the crew would loudly shout for the plywood.

It was a perfect example of the magic that happened behind the scenes of that historic show.

They were dealing with long hours, heavy themes, and exhausting working conditions.

But that shared laughter, that ability to completely fall apart over a pair of red shoes stuck in the mud, was what kept their spirits alive.

Humor was the glue that held their television family together through the grueling years of production.

Have you ever had a completely chaotic mistake turn into one of your favorite memories?

Related Posts

THEY WALKED THE DIRT ROAD YEARS LATER AND HEARD THE GHOSTS.

Malibu Creek State Park is just a stretch of dry California brush now. But if you stand in exactly the right spot, the ghosts of the 4077th are…

ALAN ALDA REVEALS THE HILARIOUS TIME MASH PRODUCTION COMPLETELY COLLAPSED

Interviewer: Alan, everyone knows MAS*H had plenty of dramatic weight, but behind the scenes, the comedy seemed entirely uncontained. If you look back at those eleven years, what…

THEY WALKED THROUGH THE DIRT TO FIND THE GHOSTS OF MAS*H.

It was just a quiet afternoon in the Santa Monica mountains, long after the cameras had stopped rolling. Two older men walked slowly down a familiar, dusty trail….

THE OFF CAMERA WARDROBE PRANK THAT BROKE MCLEAN STEVENSON

I was doing a podcast interview recently, having a relaxed conversation about the early days of television. The host caught me entirely off guard with a very specific…

THEY THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A TV SHOW… UNTIL THE SOUND RETURNED.

The wind across the Malibu hills still carries the exact same scent of dry brush and forgotten dust. Mike Farrell sat on a folding chair, squinting against the…

THE HILARIOUS TRUTH ABOUT FILMING WINTER SCENES ON THE MASH SET

The studio was quiet as the podcast host leaned forward, adjusting his microphone before asking a completely unexpected question. Instead of asking about the heavy emotional weight of…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *